Why You Should Stop Using Would, Could, and Should Today
Why You Should Stop Using Would, Could, and Should (The “Ben Brothers”)
April 2, 2026
There are three words people use every day that sound harmless, responsible, and even thoughtful.
But in reality, they quietly weaken your confidence, drain your energy, and keep you stuck in patterns of hesitation.
Those words are:
Would.
Could.
Should.
At Love Lingo, we call these the “Ben Brothers”:
Would’ve.
Could’ve.
Should’ve.
Or as many people have heard before:
Would-a been.
Could-a been.
Should-a been.
They all point in the same direction.
Backward.
These words keep your focus on what didn’t happen, what might have happened, or what you think should have happened.
And none of those create forward movement.
Even worse, one of them carries a deeper problem…
Because you should never “should” on yourself.
What “Would, Could, and Should” Really Do
At first glance, these words seem normal.
They show up in everyday conversation constantly.
Examples:
- “I would do that if I had more time”
- “I could start that next week”
- “I should be further along by now”
- “I would have done it differently”
- “I could have made a better decision”
- “I should have known better”
These phrases feel reflective or thoughtful.
But they all have one thing in common:
They avoid the present moment.
Instead of creating action, they create:
- Delay
- Excuses
- Regret
- Self-judgment
- Lack of clarity
None of those help you move forward.
The Hidden Problem With “Should” (And Why You Shouldn’t “Should” on Yourself)
“Should” is one of the most damaging of the three.
It sounds like responsibility.
But it actually creates pressure and self-judgment.
Examples:
- “I should be doing more”
- “I should be better at this”
- “I should have figured this out by now”
- “I should not feel this way”
These statements do not create action.
They create guilt.
Psychology often connects “should” statements to stress, anxiety, and unrealistic expectations.
You can explore more about thought patterns and emotional stress here:
“Should” places you in a position of constant comparison between where you are and where you think you need to be.
That gap creates frustration.
That is why we say:
Don’t “should” on yourself.
Because it rarely leads to growth.
It leads to pressure.
How “Would” and “Could” Keep You Stuck
While “should” creates pressure, “would” and “could” create distance.
They sound like possibility.
But they remove commitment.
Examples:
- “I would start that business someday”
- “I could work out more”
- “I would change that if things were different”
- “I could try that later”
These statements feel open.
But they lack action.
They keep everything in a hypothetical space.
Nothing is decided.
Nothing is committed.
Nothing moves forward.
Over time, this creates a pattern of thinking instead of doing.
The Psychology Behind These Words
Your brain responds to clarity and direction.
When language is vague or conditional, your brain does not prioritize action.
Instead, it keeps things in a “maybe later” category.
This reduces motivation and follow-through.
Research in behavior and cognition shows that clear, direct language increases action, while conditional language reduces it.
You can explore more here:
https://www.health.harvard.edu
“I will do this” creates movement.
“I could do this” creates delay.
Your brain follows the language you give it.
The Energy Behind the “Ben Brothers”
At Love Lingo, we talk a lot about energy and frequency.
Words carry energy.
And the “Ben Brothers” carry a very specific kind:
Low commitment energy.
They sit in:
- Hesitation
- Regret
- Uncertainty
- Self-doubt
None of these states support confidence or forward momentum.
If you have read our other blogs on words like “try,” “want,” and “if,” you already see the pattern.
https://elevatemyvibe.com/blogs/love-lingo-blog
These words all soften intention.
And when intention is soft, results are inconsistent.
The Love Lingo Shift: What to Say Instead
The goal is not to eliminate language completely.
The goal is to replace weak language with intentional language.
Here is how to shift the “Ben Brothers.”
Instead of “would,” say:
- “I will”
- “I am doing this”
Instead of “could,” say:
- “I can and I am”
- “I choose to”
Instead of “should,” say:
- “I choose to”
- “I am working on”
- “I am improving”
These shifts create:
- Clarity
- Ownership
- Direction
- Action
Small word changes create big mindset changes.
If you are ready to surround yourself with intentional words and energy that support your mindset, explore Love Lingo here:
Why This Matters More Than Ever
Today, people are overwhelmed with options, information, and distractions.
That leads to hesitation.
Hesitation leads to language like:
Would.
Could.
Should.
These words feel safe.
They avoid commitment.
But avoiding commitment also avoids progress.
When you remove these words, something powerful happens.
You are forced to decide.
And decisions create movement.
Practical Ways to Stop Using the “Ben Brothers”
You do not need to change everything overnight.
Start small.
Here is how.
- Notice when you use “would,” “could,” or “should”
- Pause and rephrase the sentence immediately
- Replace it with a clear, direct statement
- Be honest if you are not committing
- Practice this in everyday conversations
- Pay attention to how your mindset shifts
- Stay consistent until it becomes natural
Awareness is the first step.
Consistency creates change.
The Long-Term Impact of This Shift
When you remove these words from your daily language, you will notice changes over time.
Including:
- Increased confidence
- Stronger decision-making
- Reduced self-judgment
- Greater clarity
- More consistent action
These are not small changes.
They are foundational.
Because they change how you think.
Stop Living in “What Could Have Been”
The “Ben Brothers” keep you focused on:
The past.
The hypothetical.
The imagined.
But your life is built in the present.
Not in what would have happened.
Not in what could happen.
Not in what should have happened.
In what you decide to do now.
Your words shape that decision.
Choose them intentionally.
Because when you stop saying “would,” “could,” and “should,” you stop holding yourself back.
And you start moving forward.